nut hugger
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
