We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize