eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
