Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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