dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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