Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
