WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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