and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
