Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
