He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
