...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize