please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
