And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
