you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
vagina is talking i cant
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
