It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
