I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
