I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
