Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We're like a lot better than the average bears
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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