I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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