just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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