but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
