i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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