wanna go halves on a baby?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
