My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
