I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
