i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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