I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
