I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
