kristin has been a bad kristin
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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