So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
