I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
