Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
