Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
