Already got asked if we're dating
I hate all girls vehemently.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
