Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
