there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
