you would pick up someone in the library
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
