I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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