I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
