So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
