His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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