I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
