Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
