so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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