And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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