Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
