Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
