i think my tv is drunk
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
