why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize