Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
