I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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