Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
