you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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