Nicole vs. Life
I've blown a few things in my day
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
