If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
