You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
