The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She's like a pop up book from hell.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
