FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
