I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
