Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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