She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
