Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
