omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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