Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
