that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
