I just threw up on my dentist
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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